Space.

It seems like space has been a major theme in my life right now. Mid-twenties are a strange time. We’re in serious relationships with significant others, with friends, with our parents. We’re trying to figure out how to give appropriate attention to all of these relationships while carving out time for ourselves, which is probably the most important relationship we should be cultivating at this time in our lives. But at the same time, we’re busy at work, we’re volunteering, we’re on committees, we’re joining organizations, we’re serving on boards. We’re going to the gym, going shopping, running errands, cooking dinner. There’s so much going on in our lives, how do we find space for these relationships, and how to we divvy up our time between our relationships with others and relationships with ourselves?

It’s a delicate balance, I think. And it’s something I struggle with a lot. I live by myself, so you’d think I’d have plenty of time for me. But then I’m limited to spending quality time with nearly everyone else on the weekends. I want to spend so much of my time with M, but I want to see my friends from home, my parents, my “little sister,” my extended family, my friends that live in other states. I want to travel and visit everyone every weekend. I want to spend every Saturday and Sunday with everyone at the same time, but still have individual time with all of these people. It’s impossible. Then, I end the weekend feeling exhausted, insufficient, unhappy and like I didn’t have a moment for myself.

One time M told me that I tend to focus more on my friends than him if we’re in a group setting. I initially thought this was ridiculous. He’s my boyfriend, of course I’m giving him more attention. But when I think about it, I think he’s right. I’m sending him to the periphery of my vision because I assume that he’ll forgive me for ignoring him because he’s my boyfriend. And most of the time, I’m right. But that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t deserve at least equal attention when we’re out with friends because he’s the one that ends up shouldering the most of my burdens, calming my fears, talking me down off the edge.

It’s all about the space we make for ourselves and for others in our lives. And I don’t think any of us have the perfect percentages figured out just yet. And I think these percentages change over time. Some years we might need 70% of our space just for ourselves and some years we might be just fine with a measly 15%. Some years we lean on our friends most heavily, and some years we need our family or our husbands or our pets. Heck, maybe even our co-workers or strangers or Jesus.

But I think the most important part is letting ourselves have the space we need. When we’re in a time that we need to be alone, let ourselves lock the doors, hole up with a good book or watch ten Lifetime movies in one weekend. When we need time with friends, pick up with phone and call up our best girlfriends. When we need our parents, ask them to join us for dinner. Asking for what we need is sometimes the hardest part of the battle.

And with that, I’m going to curl up on the couch, watch “Revenge” with a mug of hot cider and enjoy this night for “me.”

To making space,

Lia