Things i miss.

I've been in Pittsburgh for two lovely months. Our "two month" anniversary in our new house is the Saturday, and it's really, really hard to believe that it's been so long. I'm a little ashamed of the paint-less dining room, the bare walls in the living room and the horrendously messy office. But all in due time. There are a lot of wonderful places in our house, like the kitchen that we've stocked with food and spices and cooking supplies. The couch in the living room is just what I've wanted for years, and I finally found a painting for above our bed that's the perfect pop of color in our otherwise beige bedroom.

So it's been just long enough to feel like this is our new home and that DC is a chapter of the past. It feels like that's where I "used" to live, where my job "used" to be. And believe me, I'm so happy with this season of my life. M and I are getting to know each other better. I'm becoming a much better cook. I'm in a job that challenges me and excites me. I'm close to my parents, my brother and some of my closest friends. This is a beautiful place to me. (And that's a lot to admit during a Pittsburgh January with freezing winds, frequent snow, temperatures in the single digits and ice on the roads.)

But there are just a few things about D.C. that I'm missing, so I thought I would make a list so when I go back to visit, I'll be sure to remember the most fabulous things about the city.

1. The restaurants. The lollipop chicken at Cava Mezze, the hummas at Zaytinya, the cocktails at Poste, the peanut butter frozen yogurt at Pinkberry, the pizza at Graffiato.... The list goes on and on.
2. Gold's gym. Now, there are certainly Gold's Gym's in Pittsburgh, but not in a location convenient to my new house. I mostly miss the Les Mills classes they had here. I'm loving my new fitness routine with M, but I miss BodyPump!
3. Proximity. I was so close to Philly, New York, the beach. Those places are a serious drive away now, and I really miss being able to get in the car for a spontaneous weekend getaway. Especially to visit family.
4. 10 degrees. It always seemed like DC was just 10 degrees warmer in DC...especially in the winter. I never though 10 degrees made a big difference, but I can tell you with serious experience over the past few weeks that 25 is substantially colder than 35.
5. The history. So many museums and monuments and parks representing the people, the events, the stories that shaped our country. The feeling of walking in Arlington Cemetary, staring up at the ceiling in the Library of Congress, sitting on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial all remind me of how far we've come as a nation. It was so humbling to be among those relics of the past.
6. Obama. My office was catty-corner to the White House, and I just loved knowing that I was just a few blocks away from the First Family so many days.
7. Protesters. Not that I loved walking past picket lines on my way into work (I do work at a bank.), but I love the idea of a good, old fashioned protest. I love that people want their voices to be heard and to stand up for something they believe in.

So those are the things I'm missing. But not missing too much! :-)

Also, if my calculations are correct, this is my 100th blog post! Who would have thought I'd stick with it this far???

To 100 posts and nostalgia,

Lia

Book club lovin'.

For someone who loves books as much as I do, it’s a bit surprising that I haven’t been a long-time book club member. Of course, I’ve participated in Oprah’s book club and other online reading groups, but there’s something about a physical conversation with other readers that I’ve been longing for.

You might remember that I tried to start a book club back in 2010 when I was previously living in Pittsburgh. However, I made the worst mistake you can make in establishing a book club—I forced people. I picked books that were focused on social issues (great for conversation, not so great for people who don’t really like to read in the first place). I think we only had two meetings, and I think I might have been the only person who read both books. Still, it was a really, really good time. We still talked about the issues (among other topics), and we had snacks and wine and really good girl time. So even though it wasn’t the book club I was hoping for, it was a wonderful outlet for female friendship.

So you can certainly imagine my giddiness when my dear friend S asked me if I wanted to be in a book club she and her coworker were starting. Of course I said yes. I didn’t even care if people didn’t read the books, though I was hoping they would. I didn’t care that I didn’t know the topics or the other women in the club, though I was hoping they’d share the same love for books as I.

We had our first meeting, and I was immediately hooked when one of the clubbers challenged a “rule” that you have to pay $5 if you didn’t read the book by saying, “Who isn’t going to read the book? Why are you in a book club if you don’t want to read the book? Why do we need a rule if everyone is going to read the book?” Instantly, I knew this was a book club for me. Serious readers. We had our first meeting to select a novel, quickly agreeing on “Gone Girl,” which I loved. We had our second meeting to discuss the book, and I fell in love with the group even more. It’s a beautiful collection of women from a lot of different backgrounds. A varied group of personalities, ages, professions, opinions. Some of us like mysteries. Some of us like happy endings. Some of us prefer sad endings. Some like memoirs, some history, some beach reads, some short stories.

But that’s the beauty of it. We get to read books we would have never picked off the shelves ourselves. We get to hear the perspective of women who read the book through the lens of different experiences. I couldn’t imagine that there was a reader out there who wouldn’t like “Gone Girl.” The writing was so good; the story was so intriguing; the characters were so strange (in a good way). But there was at least one of us who hated the book. And her explanation totally made sense to me, even though I loved it so much.

We’re not in school anymore. We don’t get to discuss and debate literature, and we don’t have the opportunity to meet women of different backgrounds like we do in the classroom. So I’m so, so glad that this little circle of women have come together. I want and need them to give me perspective on books and life.

I offered to host the next meeting at my home, and I can’t wait to see my book club ladies at the end of February.

To books and love,

Lia

Thoughts on resolutions.

I said last week that I wasn’t thinking about resolutions this year. Too much pressure. Too many requirements. Too much to manage and measure. And it usually ends in disappointment. Setting myself up for failure isn’t something I’m trying to do this year. The beginning of 2012 was hard and filled with lots of disappointment. 2013 is starting on a much more positive environment, and I don’t want anything to interfere with all the wonderful life changes that have occurred in the past few months.

That  being said, I love new beginnings. Clean slates, new opportunities, big ideas. So this year, I’m focusing on “life changes” instead of resolutions. Acting in a way that improves my happiness and the happiness of others in a broad, more expressive way than forcing myself to live up to a set of resolutions that are too hard to keep.

So these are my guidelines and my hopes for 2013:

Act the way you want to feel: I’ve stolen this mantra verbatim from my current happiness guru, Gretchen Rubin. I was staunchly against the idea of “fake it till you make it,” but I’ve realized through practice in the past six weeks that it actually works. When you want to be happy, act happy. When you want to be gracious, act gracious. When you want to be thankful, act thankful. It sounds so elementary in those terms, but as someone who frequently slips into a grouchy mentality, acting the way I want to feel is a simple reminder that our outer expressions can quickly become our inner feelings if we allow ourselves to act freely.

Something old, something new: There are so many wonderful things about moving back to Pittsburgh. Family, friends, a new job, M…but I’ve realized that there’s also a really easy trap of familiarly to fall into. When I lived in DC, I was an explorer, a tourist, a sight-seer. I loved the notion that the city was full of history and things I’ve never seen before, places I’ve never been before and people I haven’t met. Pittsburgh is a different environment in that it’s a city I know intimately and in which I’m very comfortable. So I want to enjoy the old and see the new. I’m suggesting a 2013 guideline with M that every month we see/do/experience/meet/visit something new and see/do/experience/meet/visit something old. It’s an opportunity to learn more about this city and take time to enjoy the things we’ve loved the most.

Put the home team first: Oh the home team. One of my favorite constructs from Shauna’s books. The home team is the people closest to us, the ones we call in the middle of the night, the ones we call first with good and bad news, the ones we can count on to come jump our car when we’re 2 hours away, come over with a pizza after a bad day at work, give us honest feedback even when we don’t think we need it. What I’ve realized is that I sometimes take advantage of my home team because I know they’ll always be there. I give my time and attention to people just outside by home team because I feel like I need to earn their friendship. Which is exactly the wrong thing to do. I need to give the most to those who give the most to me. To be engaged and honest and “there” for the people who do the same for me.  These people have to come first, and this year, I’m going to make more time for them, even if it means stepping away from relationships that aren’t as reciprocal. We can’t be everything to everyone.

Psalm 30:5: For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime. Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning. Joy comes with the morning. Every day we get the chance to start over in the morning. If we had a bad day at work, we get a new chance tomorrow. If we eat a horribly delicious dessert, we get the opportunity to get back on our diet in the morning. Every downward spiral can right itself with daybreak, if we give it the opportunity. So this year, I'm giving myself grace in the morning. I'm getting up to go to the gym, even if I haven't gone for the past ten days. I'm taking a good attitude to work, even if yesterday was tough. I'm forgiving family and friends, even if they hurt my feelings the day before. We all need grace and joy in the morning.

Home: It finally feels like home. We've moved in, put our dishes in the kitchen cabinets, we've bought a dining room table, we've expanded our DVD collection substantially. This year, I just want to be home. I want to be in the company of M and friends, celebrating relationships, eating food we've made and sitting and chatting around the dining room table. I want to stay in, learn more about the people I love, be simpler and more grounded. I want to cook, decorate and cuddle up on the couch with hot tea and a good book or an old movie. I'm so lucky that I have so many wonderful people to be home with, and I can't wait to spend time with all of them.

So that's it...my life of life guidelines for 2013. No big deadlines, low pressure, lots of happiness.

Wishing all of you much success with whatever you're calling your resolutions, and looking forward to enjoying the benefits!

To 2013,

Lia

2012 reading update.

Happy New Year! We're already nine days into the new year, and I know, I know, I haven't posted the obligatory post about new years resolutions and Christmas and the end of 2012. That's all still coming. I didn't make any formal resolutions for 2013, but I've been trying to adopt some life guidelines that I'll be sharing in the next few weeks. Still trying to articulate to myself what I'm aiming to get out of this. More to come.

But in the meantime, I've realized that I haven't published a book update since May! Whoops. For someone who absolutely loves to read, I can't believe I let it go this long. So for right now, I'm sharing some of my 2012 book highlights (since May).

"The Book Thief" by Markus Zusak: This was recommended to me by a friend, and I kept putting off reading it. From the jacket, it didn't sound like the kind of book I'd like to read, but after seeing it appear week after week on the NYT book list, I knew I had to give it a shot. And I really liked it! I wouldn't say it's my favorite book that I read in 2012, and it probably took me nearly 2 months to read it because it became my "metro book" for reading on my commute to work. The story was unusual and sad and sometimes hard to follow. I still don't know who the narrator was. But I think that's part of the intrigue of this book. I'd certainly recommend it as a great piece of historical fiction.

"Wild" by Cheryl Strayed: I read this book in July, and it was just the perfect summer memoir for me. I found this on Oprah's book club (love her), and knew instantly that it was the next book I'd read. I'm a sucker for memoirs, and a story about a divorced, drug-addicted, confused, lonely woman looking for a brighter path is just something I can't pass up! And, of course, I loved it. I think the most frequent feeling I had during this book was astonishment. I just can't imagine physically taking on this kind of journey, especially with so many emotions to reckon with. But it was beautiful and honest and true and gave me much perspective on challenges in my life.

"Bloom" by Kelle Hamption: Another memoir. This was recommended on a blog site, and as I said, I'm a sucker for a sad story. Initially, I thought I would love this. Special needs has always had a special place in my heart, and reading the firsthand account of this mother's experience seemed like it would be full of perspective and grace. And it was, but something just rubbed me the wrong way from the beginning. I could totally understand her sadness and feelings of loss, but I just couldn't comprehend how she also didn't feel unbridled joy...and that kind of lost me. There were certainly moments in the book that I absolutely loved, but as a whole, it wasn't exactly what I was hoping for. I think that's part of the problem with me and memoirs. You always want the story to end the way you envision it. A lot of fiction works out that way. But in reality, our lives are messy and unfocused and sometimes just end in a lot of dissary that doesn't make any more sense than when we began. I need to remember that that's the beauty of it...not the happy ending.

"The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin: I picked up this book in a bookstore several months ago and immediately passed it over. I'm into self-help books, but I read the first few pages, and it wasn't pulling me in. I also wasn't in a "happy" state at that time in my life, so I think the book just felt too optimisitic for my current situation. However, this time, I bought the book on audiobook for my final drive from DC to Pittsburgh. M and his friend were driving the U-Haul, and I was following in my CR-V. I always listen to audiobooks in the car, and somehow I just felt like this new beginning needed to start on a happier note. So "The Happiness Project" it was. And gosh, did I love it. By now you've probably read my previous post on the book, but I can update you that I've been repeating several of these mantras to myself over the past month, and I'm a completely believer. When I'm annoyed or frustrated I think, "act the way I want to feel." And it really works! I loved this book so much, that I've actually listened to the full audiobook twice, and I just downloaded her second book on my Kindle. Highly, highly recommend the audiobook for this one. Somehow, listening to Gretchen read about her journey made it so much more real and enjoyable.

"Gone Girl" by Gillian Flynn: In a weird coincidence, I downloaded this book the night before my book club decided to read it as their December book. This was another one that had been on the NYT list for ages, but I somehow never picked up. Words can't explain how much I loved this book. I'm not really a mystery novel gal, but the suspense, alternating narrators and sheer craziness about the plot line really pulled me in. I think I read the entire second half of the book in about 12 hours on the way back from our holiday trip to Philadelphia. I don't want to tell you too much because basically the entire plot is a surprise, and I want everyone to read it immediately...just not before bed.

So those were my favorites from the second half of 2012. Don't be fooled...I also read a lot of Elin Hilderbrant that I loved, loved, loved, too.

Right now, I'm reading "Happier at Home," which is Rubin's follow up novel on happiness. I initially bought this on audiobook, but I couldn't handle it 5 minutes in. It was read by a different narrator who whispered like a crazy psychologist, and I felt like I was laying on a couch. Much different than the upbeat and cheerful tone of Rubin narrating her own first book. So I bought it on my Kindle and I'm reading it with her voice in mind.

Wishing all of you a 2013 full of books. Please send me your favorites!

To flipping the pages,

Lia