Advent.

This has been a wonderfully joyous Christmas season, and even though it’s beginning to feel like it’s almost over, I know we have at least six more days of holiday spirit to look forward to. And I plan to take it all in.

This Advent was a special one for me. This was the first Christmas season where I truly acknowledged, appreciated and awaited the birth of Jesus. I was reading a book this week that suggested Advent was a time for us to allow ourselves to step away from the Christmas spirit, recognizing that this season might not be a happy one for everyone. This has been a hard year for me. I’ve moved away from everyone I love, we lost a family member who had been battling cancer for many years, my dad is still mostly unemployed, my job has been difficult. Sometimes all the joy of the Christmas spirit feels almost fake and as though we’re trying to shut out these painful memories by covering them in carols, twinkling lights and Christmas cookies.

But Advent isn’t really a time of celebration. It’s a time of yearning, anticipation and hope that birth will bring a brighter, happier day. It’s like staring down the light at the end of the tunnel. We know there’s good and graciousness and peace on the other side, but it seems like we’re running and not getting any closer. God’s promise to us at Christmas is that there’s always hope for new beginning. Our own personal Advent might be longer or shorter than the Christmas Advent, but prayerfully and thoughtfully we are all blessed with rebirth if we allow ourselves to have it.

On a less preachy note, I’ve been blessed with seeing many great friends this holiday break. My girlfriends from high school and I got together, and I remembered just how lovely and easy these dear friendships are. It seems like no matter the time or distance, we fall right back in place with each other. This year (for the first time, I think), we had boyfriends join us for our holiday gathering. I’m so glad M got to meet these special girls, and I think it made the night much sweeter to spend time with the men that are making my girlfriends so happy. I hope we can all get together more regularly, especially now that more of them live in Pittsburgh!

Today I also got to see a dear old coworker and friend that I don’t get to see very often, and I saw a movie with my “little sister” which was just as much fun. I think that because I live alone, I soak up all these moments of interaction and love them even more.

Tomorrow I’m leaving for Philadelphia to spend some time with my mom’s family before heading back to DC for New Year’s Eve. I can’t wait to see my extended family and continue the Christmas celebrations!

To finding our own Advents,

Lia

Desperation.

This week I was listening to a self-help audiobook on my drive back from Pittsburgh. I think I’ve completely slipped down the audiobook slippery slope. Soon I’m going to be listening to Christian talk radio and chanting whenever I get in the car (not that there’s anything wrong with that). Anyway, as my first foray into self-help audiobook land, I think I picked a winner. The book was collection of stories from a woman who grew up with a father as a pastor, married a pastor and herself serves as a youth group advisor at her husband’s church. She’s a motivational speaker; she’s a believer; she’s a writer; she’s a child of Jesus. You might think she’s one of those holy examples that wakes at 6 a.m. to pray before dawn, pause for a blessing before her lunch and does the church prayer chain every night before bed. Or at least that’s what I thought. However, I quickly realized after just a few minutes of hearing her self-read book, she’s just the opposite. She’s a real person. She’s confused and challenged and witty and searching…just like the rest of us. She’s a real person! Thank you, God!

Anyway, the book was a collection of moments in the writer’s life that made her think about God, made her challenge her beliefs and made her grow as a person. I related instantly to many of her trials. In the first chapter of the book she says, “This year has been the hardest year I’ve known.” She goes on to say that because it’s been her hardest year, she’s been downtrodden, depressed, angry and felt like an ugly person. I immediately knew how she felt. Without knowing it, I think this has been the hardest year I’ve known as well, for many reasons. I instantly felt like a kindred spirit with this woman, and I needed to hear more.

One of the last chapters in her book was particularly thought-provoking for me (not that the others didn’t get me thinking, too). She said that as a pastor’s wife (and a church woman herself) she thought that she should be called to prayer daily. On good days, she should be rejoycing with God; on bad days she should find consolation in God. She should ask for help when she needs it and thank God for giving her strength when she has it. But she said she actually felt quite the opposite. It wasn’t until she was truly in a state of desperation, beyond repair, beyond hope that she frequently turned to God. It wasn’t until the bleakest moments that she laid it all out before Him and asked for His help. Instead, she believes that her own conviction and actions and persistence will enable her to resolve everything that’s going on in her life and that God is just a peripheral part of this plan because it’s really HER plan, right?

So many times I have felt like this. I have waited until I am at the very bottom believing that I control my own destiny. I don’t ask for help, from God or anyone else. I struggle and work late and lose sleep with a pounding heart and head because sometimes I’m just too ashamed to ask for help. But why do we wait until we’re clinging to the frayed edges of hope to ask for guidance, especially God’s guidance? Why do we let ourselves get so bogged down that by the time we ask for help, we’ve created a mountain out of a molehill? Why can’t we be in constant conversation with God, allowing him to give us guidance where we need it?

Because it’s not easy. We go and go and go all day long. We don’t stop for air or to see the sunshine or to smell the roses. We all need moments of peace and tranquility, and we’re all too busy to make time for them. But I think we need to try. I need to try. I need to wake up earlier to clear my mind before the day. I need to close my eyes and say a prayer before bed to reflect and prepare. I need to pause when I’m getting too stressed out and think about the big picture. Because everything has a big picture that’s framed by God. We just need to let ourselves see it.

To eliminating desperation,

Lia

M's 25th Birthday Surprise

M and I had the most fabulous birthday surprise weekend at Bedford Springs Resort & Spa. I had never been there, so I selected it on basically the fact that it was convenient for us to meet there and that I was relatively sure I would like a weekend of relaxation in the middle of nowhere. However, I wasn’t quite sure M would enjoy the weekend of relaxation I had planned for us, even though it was his birthday! Regardless, we both had the most wonderful weekend hanging out, exploring the resort and the grounds, eating, drinking and celebrating his 25 years.

As promised, I’ve finally managed to incorporate some pictures into this blog post so you can see just how beautiful the resort was. The halls were fully decked for Christmas, and every room had beautiful garlands, trees, lights, snowmen and merry-ness for us to enjoy. The hotel is also packed full of history, so we gleaned a little knowledge of central PA out of our trip as well. Above all, the food was excellent and the staff was so accommodating. M was offered free drinks and desserts, and everyone went above and beyond to ensure that each guest was more than satisfied with his or her experience. It was truly a beautiful weekend. See below a few pictures of the beautiful resort.

We did manage to sneak a few “couples” pictures, which we don’t seem to have very many of. Probably somehow related to my extreme dislike for picture taking in general. But, here’s one that I can tolerate for now.

Today is actually M’s birthday, and I know he’s out celebrating with his wonderful guy friends, but I’m still sad I don’t get to share this special day with him. We have been spoiled this month with so many days together, but it still doesn’t seem like enough. One day we’ll manage to work this out.

In other news, work has been wrapping up over the past few weeks. This week has been a little more busy, but still nothing like the craziness of autumn that I’m hoping is securely behind us. I’m pleading for 2012 to bring more stability to my job and enable me to become a better salesperson and mentor. Tall orders, but I’m hopeful.

I hope all of you are enjoying the last few merry days before Christmas! Wrap those presents!!

To holiday cheer,

Lia

Only Wednesday.

This week seems to be draggggingggg on. I feel like I’ve had a million things to do every night, and my “to do” list keeps getting longer. Between wrapping and baking and cleaning and packing...each day is packed with more than enough things to do. But somehow, this week is still dragging on for me. Maybe it’s because I’m really looking forward to this weekend. When we were little, it seemed like the days up until Christmas were the slowest days of the year. We had such anticipation for one exciting day that time seemed to slow down as we eagerly awaited Santa’s arrival. This year for me, this weekend is a little bit like that. It’s M’s 25^th birthday, and we’re celebrating with a surprise romantic weekend getaway. In the midst of the craziness of the holiday season, I’m so looking forward to some quiet moments with with M, relaxing and enjoying each other’s company. However, since it’s a surprise weekend, I can’t tell you any more details just yet. Full updates when we’re back on Monday!

I’ve just about finished my Christmas shopping, and there’s still more than a week before Christmas! I count that as a big success! The packages are huddled under my tree, and I get so happy looking at the sparkling wrapping paper and pretty bows just waiting for Christmas morning. Tis the season for giving!

This week has been full of work activities as well. Last night I hosted clients at a hockey game, and tomorrow we have a potluck in the office, as well as our young professionals holiday party. So many activities are keeping me busy, but also preventing me from getting to the gym. I’m trying desperately to get up and go in the morning. I’m hoping to make it there tomorrow morning! Keep your fingers crossed for me. I’m not the best at getting out of bed in the morning (that’s probably an understatement).

I think that’s it for now. I have to get back to the kitchen to finish up some muffins for tomorrow’s potluck. I hope all of you are enjoying these busy times while remembering the true reason we celebrate this season!

To awaiting the baby Jesus,

Lia

25ish

This morning, a good friend of mine passed along an article that dictated “11 Things You Should Know at 25ish.” It was an interesting and inspiring article, though I think it was a bit more God-fearing than the general public might appreciate. But regardless, it got me thinking about who I am at 25ish. The final section of the article reminded us to not get stuck. The author says that it’s easy to fly by the seat of our pants in our 20s and not take the opportunity to learn and grow. Some people spend this decade holding on to college or partying and drinking like our 30s aren’t right around the corner. Some people get lost it the corporate ladder and live life too seriously considering our 30s are indeed right around the corner. I think I probably fit more into the second option. I’ve devoted a good portion of my early 20s to work, and while that’s been successful in some senses, it’s taken me away from my family and M. It’s caused me to miss a lot of happy hours, dinners and gym sessions because I’m still sitting at my desk at 8 p.m. The author says that our 20s are not about either one of these lifestyles. Our 20s are about becoming.

“Becoming” can mean a lot of different things. The author offers several questions that we should ask ourselves when we’re figuring out who we are:

1. Am I proud of the life I’m living?
2. What have I tried this month?
3. What have I learned about God this year?
4. What parts of my childhood faith am I leaving behind, and what parts am I choosing to keep?
5. Do the people I’m spending time with give me life, or make me feel small?
6. Is there any brokenness in my life that’s keeping me from moving forward?

Wow. This is a lot to think about.

Two of these questions jumped out at me. What have I tried this month? In college, it feels like we’re always growing. There are a lot of firsts. First college classes, first time living alone, first fraternity party, first internship, first job offer. Once we’re out of college, the firsts slow down. We settle into a routine that might not require us to take personal risks as much as we did before. Sure, there are plenty of things I’ve done for the first time this year. I moved to a new city; I took responsibility for a portfolio of clients at work; I traveled to New Orleans, Boston and the Dominican for the first time; I made new friends; I started volunteering. But there are certainly things I could do in my daily life to make my experiences more complete, and that’s something I’m going to strive for in 2012.

The second question that got me thinking was about the people I’m spending my life with. Until I read the way the author phrased that question, I wasn’t able to articulate how I was feeling. Some people really do make me feel small. Some friends (and some of my good friends for a matter of fact) have a way of making me feel like I am less. Some people always need to be right. Some people are pulling a dark cloud behind them that they let rain all over other people. Some people only share their burdens and don’t try to ease the burdens of their friends. All of these things make me feel tired, exhausted and small. But on the other hand, I have friends who have a way of infecting those around them with their joy. I have friends who are always lifting me up, even without intending to. I have friends who inspire me and make me think. I have friends who make me smarter and more thoughtful when I’m with them. These are the people I need to surround myself with, and this is the type of person I need to strive to become.

So those are my thoughts for today. Here’s the link to the article in case any of you are interested in reading: http://m.relevantmagazine.com/life/whole-life/features/25956-11-things-to-know-at-25ish?start=1

To becoming our twenties,

Lia

Books, books, books.

I’ve always been a little bit of a book worm. In fourth grade, I was the nerdy girl who asked to stay inside for recess so I could read a few more chapters in my Babysitters Club books. In high school, I would sit in the hallway before homeroom with my nose in a book. Through college, I read mostly textbooks, but after graduating, I started a book club in Pittsburgh focusing on social issues, which spurred some fantastic discussions with girlfriends.

But somehow I’ve never kept a list of books I’ve read in one year. Since I’ve been on my own a lot this year, I thought 2011 would be the perfect time to keep a list of books I’ve read to share with friends and remind myself of the wonderful, sad, thoughtful stories I’ve read this year. Now that it’s almost Christmas, I thought it might be time to share my list in case any of my three readers are looking for book recommendations. And let’s be honest, M isn’t looking to read anything that I’ve read this year.

So here it is:

Lia’s 2011 Book List:

1. Cutting for Stone by Abraham Verghese
2. Middlesex by Jeffrey Euginedes
3. Heart of the Matter by Emily Giffin
4. Fly Away Home by Jennifer Weiner
5. Little Bee by Chris Cleave
6. Signs of Life by Natalie Taylor
7. The Island by Elin Hildebrandt
8. Silver Girl by Elin Hildebrandt
9. The Castaways by Elin Hildebrandt
10. Moneyball by Michael Lewis
11. Mudbound by Hillary Jordan
12. Then Came You by Jennifer Weiner
13. I Don’t Know How She Does It by Allison Pearson
14. Sing You Home by Jodi Picoult
15. Let The Great World Spin by Colum McCann
16. The Double Bind by Chris Bohjalian
17. Half Broke Horses by Jeanette Walls

As you can see, this list is a wide variety of authors and genres. Sometimes I get in a little rut (like the Elin Hildebrandt books that dominated my August and September). Some of these books will be added to my favorite books of all time (this sounds like a separate post) and some I didn’t enjoy quite as much. Some I’ll read again and again, some I’ve shared with friends and many were recommended to me by other readers.

Of these 17 books, I’ve picked out a few favorites that I’m recommending to anyone looking for a good read.

Mudbound is a beautiful story about a southern family and their black sharecroppers during WW2 in backwoods Mississippi. The unlikely friendships that develop are just as potent as the racial struggles these families face. I cried and laughed and literally gasped with surprise while reading this book. Metro riders probably think I’m crazy.

Middlesex is such a tale of human struggle. It was so popular about ten years ago, but somehow I missed this little treasure until it was recommended to me be a colleague. This book broke my heart as I grew with Caliope. It’s not an easy book to get into, but once I was wrapped up in the story, I couldn’t put it down. Gender has never been so intriguing.

Half Broke Horses is such a personal tale. Written by the same author as The Glass Castle which was so popular a few years ago, this page-turner is an honest story that took place generations ago, but drew so many parallels to my life that I couldn’t put it down.

Signs of Life is a memoir that I stumbled over while browsing at Barnes & Noble. I think memoirs are my favorite kind of story. I’m always impressed with an author’s ability to craft a somewhat objective plot while telling a personal story. I can only describe this book as raw, emotional, heart-wrenching and hopeful. Natalie lost her husband at 24, shortly after their marriage began while she was pregnant with their first baby. Maybe it was Natalie’s age or her open emotion that made me immediately relate to her and her loss devastated me as a reader. Natalie’s story of her recovery from losing her husband, best friend and father of her unborn baby had me crying (and sometimes laughing) the whole way through. This book taught me strength in ways I didn’t know how to look for.

So this was my reading list for 2011. What did you all read this year? What are you planning to read in 2012?

To happy reading,

Lia

Tis the Season

Tonight I’m sitting in my apartment with a holiday candle burning, listening to Christmas hymns and blogging by the light of my (fake) Christmas tree. I’m baking cookies for a holiday tea at work tomorrow, and I have a warm mug of apple cider. I am so full of the holiday spirit I’m nearly ready to burst. This holiday season has been very different for me than years past. It’s the first year I’m experiencing much of this season alone. Of course, I have wonderful friends in DC, and just this week I’m having some girls over for cookie decorating. But, on a nightly basis I’m coming home to my little apartment alone to celebrate by myself. Some nights this seems really lonely. Some nights I wish I had my boyfriend or my old roommate or my family to watch Falalala Lifetime with me and dance around to Mariah Carey Christmas. Some nights I don’t even turn on my tree because it doesn’t feel like Christmas when I’m not surrounded by love. But, some nights, nights like this night, I’m quietly taking in the season peacefully and gratefully by myself. I’m remembering Jesus and praying by the tree. I’m listening to “Away in a Manger” and “Oh Come All Ye Faithful” and truly remembering what we’re celebrating. I’m writing Christmas cards to those I love, and I’m enjoying every moment of this night.

I’m quite sure it’s these little moments that make up the joy of Christmastime. It’s small reminders of our good fortune, our blessings and our hope. I’ve had so many of these little moments this December between dinners with close friends, church sermons, laughing and singing. I’ve had some of these reminders on my own and some have been brought to me by my friends and family. I had two very simple reminders of what this season means just last week when I was home in Pittsburgh with M. My boyfriend has the biggest heart and the most generous soul. He does things simply and without second thought just because they are right and he is good. He’s probably going to be mad at me for blogging about these two simple moments, but I can’t stop thinking about them. Last weekend, we were having breakfast at a local diner. The restaurant wasn’t very crowded and our service wasn’t very good. I was getting annoyed. Our breakfast eventually game followed by the check. M picked it up to pay, and when our server brought back the credit card receipt, M gave her a tip well over the usual 20%. I made a comment that he was being awfully generous for someone who didn’t provide us very good service. He didn’t even look up from signing his name as he said, “It’s the holidays; I’m sure she needs it more than I do.” He didn’t think twice, he just shared what he could with a woman who probably did need the money more than we did.

Then, just a few minutes later, we were at Target searching for a gift for the 13 year old boy M had picked off the gift tree at work. Thirteen year old boys are not my forte. Give me a eight year old girl, and I’ll pick out all the Barbies in the world complete with matching outfits. Needless to say, I was getting a little impatient in the toy aisle while M picked out just the PERFECT toy for this kid. He kept going back and forth between different Lego sets with Transformers and Star Wars and asking me which one I thought was better. I finally said something along the lines of, “I’m sure he’ll like whichever one you pick out.” M looked back at me and said, “Lia, what if this is the only toy he gets this Christmas?” Of course, he was absolutely right. This teenage boy might only have one toy under the tree, and M needed to make absolutely sure what when he opened it, he was going to be thrilled. So many of us grew up with bountiful presents under the tree on Christmas morning. Our parents didn’t have to worry about what Santa was going to bring because they could afford to surprise us with whatever was on our list. But now I’m thinking about all those parents who are struggling to fill the stockings and have to explain to their children why Santa didn’t bring the most expensive toy on their list. I needed a reminder of this, but to M, this was the first thing he thought about. I am so lucky to be with someone so loving of everyone, even those he doesn’t know.

So night I’m taking in everything beautiful about this season and praising God for sharing his Son with us this Christmas.

To peace and joy,

Lia

Happy Thanksgiving!

It’s the most wonderful time of the year! I know that phrase mostly applies to days closer to Christmas, but I really believe the holiday spirit is at it’s fullest and most exciting the weekend of Thanksgiving. There are so many traditions of Thanksgiving that really exemplify the spirit of the season. And, it’s just getting us ready to celebrate the birth of Jesus and all the wonders we remember during Advent. This really is the most wonderful time of the year.

My family’s Thanksgiving was just lovely. My dear, sweet grandparents made the trip in from Philadelphia, and I am so happy to see them. They are such warm-hearted people and a wonderful example of love, commitment and faith for all of us. Our Thanksgiving ended up being a little bit different than expected. We were anticipating a small dinner for six, but when my mother found out that two of my dad’s friends were going to be alone on Thanksgiving, she insisted immediately that they must come eat with us. I admit, when I first heard this news, I was a little bit disappointed because I wanted to spend time with my family without having to entertain “guests.” Thanksgiving has always been a family holiday in our house. We celebrate and eat and clean up and watch football as a family. No cell phones, no errands, no computers. But my mom is truly an example of what this holiday is all about: sharing our blessings and opening our hearts and homes to those who are alone this time of year. She didn’t hesitate for a second to add three extra places at the Thanksgiving table (two friends and one of their aunt’s). She just sent my dad out for another bag of apples and a couple more potatoes. She didn’t think about how much harder she was going to have to work or what the rest of us would think. She immediately did what she knew was right—to share our Thanksgiving love with those who need it most.

On a lighter note, today Grammy, momma and I headed out for some Black Friday shopping. This has become a holiday tradition in our family, and no one was more excited than my grandmother. She comes with a list of gifts she needs to acquire, and we don’t stop until we have a package for every person on her list. We had such a fun day, and we even managed to find good parking spots and some yummy lunch in between.

Tonight, I’m heading out for dinner with some of my dearest friends from high school. We don’t get to see each other very often as we live in different cities (and different countries), but we always try to catch up over the holidays. Our group will be a little smaller tonight with only four of us, but I haven’t seen these ladies in so long, and I can’t wait to hear what they’ve been up to. I know we’ve had some big accomplishments this year, and I can’t wait to hear their stories. But, of course, we’ll miss the ladies who are traveling or too far from home to see us this Thanksgiving. I can’t wait to see them at Christmas!!!!

I better finish getting ready!

To our blessings,

Lia