Listening.

Last night I had every good intention of coming home from work, changing into workout clothes and heading to the gym. I’ve put myself on a schedule:  Gym on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday…sometimes Friday. Wednesday is my day off, which this week I spent trolling the aisles of Target and spending $150 on shower products, workout clothes and recipe binder supplies. But last night when I got home, I was tired. I’m not sure how I was tired since I believe I got nine hours of sleep the night before, but I just wanted to lay on the couch. So instead of braving the rain and going to Gold’s, I poured a large bowl of potato chips, ordered jalapeno and pineapple Papa John’s and popped “New Moon” into the DVD player. Then I felt guilty.

You might be thinking that my guilt prompted me to get in a couple miles on the treadmill before indulging in the Twilight saga, but no, it only made me refill the chip bowl and check the online status of my pizza delivery.

These moments are a balance, I think. Too many makes you feel sluggish, lazy, sleepy, large. But once in a while, I think these moments are just what our bodies and our minds need. A night off. A time to indulge. Greasy chips, greasy pizza. Lots of water.

I don’t think I’ve quite found the right balance because I think I’m indulging in these moments maybe a little too often. M would probably tell you that I have these moments WAY too often. I can’t help it. I’m fond of the couch. I like watching movies. I really like junk food. But last night I think it was just what I needed. I had a strange day at work. I felt betrayed by a friend. I was a little bit lonely. And sometimes a few hours on the couch is all we need to get out of this funk. (Now, to be fair, I think 30 minutes on the treadmill probably has the same effect of pushing me out of a bad mood, but somehow that seemed like way more effort than I had in me last night.)

And I think it worked. Today, I’m feeling much calmer and happier. I was smiling at work this morning. (My boss actually looked surprised and asked me why I was so cheerful.) I feel well-rested, like I have a clean slate. I’m looking forward to M’s visit tonight, and I’ll probably have enough time to get in a quick gym session after work before he arrives.

I didn’t fold my laundry. I didn’t clean the apartment. I didn’t go grocery shopping. But those things are forgive-able. Weekend guests will certainly prefer me to be in good spirits with a clear head instead of cranky but with an immaculate apartment. I think it comes back to determining the things we “don’t” do. I’ve blogged about this before. What are we willing to give up to be the people we want to be? Am I willing to give up some time at the gym, a clean apartment, folded laundry to feel a little bit more sane tonight? Yes. Can this become an ongoing pattern? No. Because that will make me insane. But for one night, it’s okay.

I think we need to give ourselves a little bit more leeway…without becoming lazy, sloppy people. We need to listen to our bodies when they tell us to slow down, to relax, to sleep in, to eat a whole pizza. Once in while, this indulgence will allow us to clear our minds and calm our spirits, which will make us better people. It’s okay to give up our little neuroticisms for a few hours. Let it go. And as a Type A crazy person, this isn’t easy to say or do. I get it. But try.

To pizza and chips on Thursday night,

Lia