The happiness project.

I downloaded a copy of “The Happiness Project” in an attempt to use up some extra credits on audible.com before cancelling my membership. Before I moved to Pittsburgh, I went through audiobooks faster than regular books because I listened to them on my trips back and forth from DC. Now that my weekend commutes are over, I figured I probably wouldn’t be able to use up all my monthly membership credits on audible.com like I used to. So I picked up the book and loaded it on my iPod for the final trip back from DC while M was driving the moving truck with one of his friends.

I’d heard about the book, and I think I’d even picked it up in Barnes & Noble once or twice and it never made it into my library. But this book came into my life at just the right moment. In a month dedicated to the pursuit of happiness, a structured approach to joy was just what I needed. Since then, I’ve listened to the book twice and lent it to several coworkers who probably now think I’m slightly crazy. But I don’t care.

I’ve been making a list of the most meaningful moments in the book. The parts that made me rewind and listen again. The phrases that resonated into my life, some of which I’ve been repeating like mantras in situations where my happiness has been compromised (does that make me crazy?). Here they are:

Don’t wait for a crisis to remake your life. I’ve thought about this before in many different contexts. We wait until we’re at the bottom of the bottom before we ask for help or help ourselves. The time to improve yourself is when you’re in a good place. When you’re spirited and motivated and uplifted. Those are the moments to work on achieving our best selves, because we’ll be so much better prepared to deal with ourselves in a crisis.

You can only work on yourself. This little bit of truth has never been more true now that M and I cohabitate. I’ve been living alone for two years, and I’ve been establishing my own routines, my own processes, my own way of living. What I need to realize is that mine is not the only way, and the only control I have is over myself. So when M dries the dishes in a way that’s different from me, I just have to let myself be grateful that he’s helping with the household chores.

Don’t let perfect be the enemy of the good. Ah, perfectionists, listen up. How many times have I avoided doing something good because I was worried it wouldn’t be perfect? I didn’t send a letter, I didn’t finish a project, I didn’t take a risk or step outside my comfort zone because I didn’t have the time/energy/purpose to make it perfect. But the output would have been good (or even very good) and more than sufficient for what I needed to do. We can always strive for perfection, but we can’t let it get in the way of doing what is good.

Forbearance is a form of generosity. Sometimes NOT doing something is just as generous as doing something. Not yelling, not sniping, not grumping or grouching, not correcting or micromanaging. All major forms of generosity.

Revel in anticipation. I had a very particular moment in DC about six months ago when I thought back to when I was in middle school and would look forward to friends birthday parties for weeks. When you’re 12, birthday parties are super cool. Sleepovers, parents upstairs, giggly gossip about boys for the first time, make-up and games. I would look forward to those parties with unparalleled anticipation. In fact, the anticipation was so much more fun than the actual party. And just a few months ago, I was wondering if I’d ever have that feeling again. I was sad in my job, sad in DC, lonely and missing M and my family. I was glum. And it’s crazy how much things can change in just six months. Now I’m reveling in anticipation. Anticipation of our new house, Christmas with family, the engagement of my best friend. I’m loving the anticipation like I did those sixth grade birthday parties.

It is easy to be heavy; it is hard to be light. This one is pretty self explanatory. Heavy is cranky, irritated, critical, snippy. Light is mindful, thankful, grateful, easygoing. Heavy is the easier route to go, but light is happiness.

Act the way you want to feel. This is the most basic application of happiness, and it’s surprisingly effective. In fact, I invoked this strategy today when standing in line at Panera after a four hour shopping trip. The line was long, I had to pee, I was cranky, and I still had two more errands to run. And I really needed a Diet Pepsi. The clerk couldn’t get the computer to work (“All I need is a fountain soda!!”), she couldn’t get any help, and I almost just left. But I remembered my mantra and graciously told her to take her time. “It must be hard to get help when it’s so crowded.” She looked at me gratefully. And instantly, I was happy! Within five minutes, I had my soda and I was on my way. Act the way you want to feel.

So those are my happiness mantras. They’re saved in my phone so I can call them up easily at the moment of crisis. And I have to do that frequently even though I’ve read them a million times. I highly recommend the book if you’re looking for a happiness boost, and you can bet that I’ll probably listen to the book at least 10 more times!

To happiness mantras,

Lia

Thankfulness: grace

So it looks like the end of November didn’t get as much recognized thankfulness as I would have liked. I can assure you that I had a really lovely Thanksgiving with family and friends, and there was thanks abound around our table this year. We had family in from across the state, new puppies, old friends, late nights in Oakland and family members sleeping on every available surface of my parents house. It was just the kind of cozy loveliness that I’m so thankful for this season.

But I didn’t really feel like writing about it. Because in the midst of all the beautifulness, we had some really, really sad news. My uncle passed away on Thanksgiving morning after a long and tiring battle with cancer. His loss came suddenly to me, even though he had been sick for several years. His family hasn’t had it easy this year, and I know that his daughter was really hoping he would live to see the birth of his first grandchild, her son, who is due in January. So the tone of my thankfulness changed. I was thankful for family, for spending time together, for every little moment. I was thankful for the grace of God who guided my uncle up to heaven to meet his grandson before he was delivered down to earth.

And then in the beginning of December, M and I moved into our new house. We’re still getting settled in, but tonight I’m curled up on the couch watching the twinkly lights of the Christmas tree from my brand new sectional. I admit that I was a little resistant to getting a real tree for our living room. I was being grinchy and worried about needles and bugs and dirt on the new carpet. But it turns out that this tree is a big part of what makes our house feel like home this season. It’s reminding me of all the beautiful firs we had growing up, and I was so happy today as I snugly wrapped presents under the tree.

If November was a month of thankfulness, December is a month of happiness. Taking time to revel in happy moments. Smiling more often. Being more patient. Appreciating the love of others and loving more openly. In the middle of the mess of moving, the stress of the new job, the business of holiday shopping, I’m aiming to be happy. And to share happiness. And to induce happiness in others. This is the season of joy, after all.

To happiness and joy,

Lia

Thankfulness: a new home

Yesterday, we finally, FINALLY closed on our new house! Believe me, it was not without stress. Everyone had been telling me that house buying is one of the most stressful life activities (somewhere up there with starting a new job and making a big move….sounds familiar??), but honestly, our house buying process was going pretty smoothly up until Friday. I ended up buying the first house I saw, even though we looked at several more after. We had a little negotiation on the price, but that was painless. The bank didn’t have any crazy requirements, and I got (what I believe to be) a good deal. So I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised when we hit a snafu on Friday afternoon that led to a delay in our closing. Luckily, it was only a seven hour delay, and we were able to close last night with a lot of help from several agents, the sweetest closing agent and my daddy.

And now, I own a house!

As a sidebar, I’d like to also interject a moment of thankfulness for the kindness of strangers. My dad was my agent, but because our closing got delayed, he couldn’t be there for the actual closing meeting. However, three wonderful ladies stepped right in to make feel right at home and comfortable in my purchase. I’m so grateful!

M and I met at the house last night. We couldn’t miss our first opportunity to be in our new home as the owners! We moved in some of the things we’ve been holding at our parents houses, like towels, curtains and the $200 worth of Christmas decorations I bought at Marshall’s this past weekend. Whoops.

To be honest, it felt really weird to put the key in the front door for the first time. I felt a little bit like I was trespassing and a little bit like I was going to have to give it back in the morning. Luckily, PNC reminded me this morning that I’m bound into a 30 year deal with the bank and that they have the right to confiscate everything I own if I’m late on a payment. I guess the house isn’t going anywhere.

But above all the confusion of closing then not closing, buying then not buying, I’m feeling really thankful that I was in a position to buy my cozy little home this year. When I think back six months, I can’t even believe how much my life has changed…and in such beautiful ways. I’m back in the place I want to be, with M and my family, in a wonderful new job and with my first little townhouse. What a happy way to enter the holiday season.

And, I’m also so grateful for the wellwishes of family and friends through this whole process. M reminded me last night that I’ve been a little challenging to deal with during the transition. I’ve been cranky and snippy and judgemental. And the transition isn’t over, so I’m trying really hard to put my best self forward this Thanksgiving week. And I’m so joyful for all of you who have put up with me. You deserve a thankfulness post all our own.

To packing up (again),

Lia

Thankfulness: books

Tonight I’m really grateful for books. There’s something about crawling in bed in a full sweatsuit under three blankets against a pile of pillows with a paperback that feels like Christmas break. Maybe it’s that carefree feeling that there’s no school tomorrow and knowing you can stay up until 3 a.m. reading if you want to. Or maybe it’s the comfort of getting lost in another world or just the coziness of bed and books. Any way, I’m feeling like that tonight.

We had our first book club meeting of my “new” Pittsburgh book club this week. And, to be honest, it was the first time I’ve felt like a book club was really going to work. We are a collection of women of different ages, different backgrounds, with a common thread throughout us, but not just a group of girlfriends looking for wine and chitchat on a Thursday night. It’s an ambitious group of ladies who were offended at the thought of someone not finishing the book. And I love them for that. And I’m just so excited. Not only for the books we’re going to read together, but for learning their stories and telling my own stories to a new group of women who share the same love for literature as me.

I truly believe that most of what I know about the world, I’ve learned through books. And not just non-fiction or text books, but fictional stories about human struggle and people different than myself. I’ve learned about patience and forgiveness and sorrow in ways that I’ve never experienced in my own life. I’ve learned about cultures and tolerance and humanity and inclusion.

And it’s not just the stories we read in books. I’m thankful for the stories my friends have told me about their heartbreaks and joys, for they’ve made me a stronger woman. I’m thankful for the stories I’ve learned from my family, for they’ve made me appreciate my heritage and want to uphold the ideals of those who came before us. I’m thankful for the stories I’ve learned from my “little sister,” whose live is vastly different than mine, for she’s taught me how two people can live so close yet in such different communities. I’m thankful for the stories of strangers, for they’ve forced me to face realities, believe in opportunity and be a more giving person.

We are our stories, and we should proudly share the moments and memories that make up our lives. And we should read books of other people’s stories to expand our own experience. And, tonight, I’m so thankful to live in a literate society and for the opportunity to read these stories in the comfort of my own bed.

(I feel a post coming up with a recap of books I’ve read in the last few months. As soon as our month of thankfulness is over.)

To telling our stories,

Lia

Thankfulness: learning

For those of you who have been reading my blog for the past year, you know I’ve been struggling at work. Not because I haven’t been doing well in my job, but because I haven’t been happy with the work I was doing on a day-to-day basis. I never thought I wanted a job in sales, but the career path I started after college lead straight that way. And it turns out that I wasn’t bad at it. But after two years of feeling like I hadn’t found “my place,” I turned my attention to finding a job that was a better fit for my personality. I’m a much more introspective and project-oriented person than my old job allowed, and I’m so excited for the creative freedom and scope of my new position.

Even though I started this job more than a month ago, this past week was my first in the Pittsburgh office. And two of those days were spent in full-day training. And it finally felt like I found my place. I was learning and challenging myself and putting the huge scope of my new job into perspective. And it felt really good. I was surrounded with people more experienced than myself, and I felt like part of a team that was working toward accomplishing something important.

I’m so grateful for the ability to learn. I used to say that if I could have any career in the world and money weren’t an obstacle, I would be a student. I loved class in college. I loved studying. I loved doing homework. (Don’t misunderstand, I loved partying too.) But I am my best self when I am learning. And I’m REALLY my best self when I’m learning and making money.

So I’m just so excited for this new challenge and new obstacles. New coworkers and new people to learn from. I know Lent is usually the season dedicated to starting over fresh, but for me, this season is fully dedicated to a new beginning for me. I’m letting myself enjoy work, along with all of the other fantastic changes that are happening in my life. A beautiful season for starting over new.

To new beginnings,

Lia

Thankfulness: service

I’m behind on updating my thankfulness blog, and I have a few posts stored that I need to update later today or this week. But, I couldn’t let this weekend go by without being really grateful for our service men and women in recognition of Veteran’s Day. I’m off of work today, which is really wonderful because there are about a million things I need to get caught up on, but I’m also thinking about the men and women who don’t get long weekends with their families and are cold and far away. And because of this, I want to share with you a story about my cousin-in-law that I’ve been thinking about all weekend.

When my cousin G met her husband B several years ago, I couldn’t be happier…except for one thing. He’s a republican. Now I have many, many conservative friends and I love them dearly. But marrying one into the family? That’s another story. However, B is one of the sweetest men I know, and even though we sometimes get into heated debates about politics, he’s a perfect addition to our family, and I’m so proud to call him a cousin. B is in the reserves, and even though his wife is seven months pregnant with their first baby, he packed up his bag and headed to provide disaster relief in NYC after Hurricane Sandy. He’s already been gone for more than a week, he missed their baby shower, and G’s dad is recovering from some pretty serious health problems. All in all, it wasn’t a great time to leave.

I don’t think it’s any accident that Veteran’s Day is so close to Election Day. Even though B might not agree with the politics President Obama and I believe in, he’s a steller example of pride in our country and a bipartisan support for our citizens. Last week, when our country was nearly evenly divided on the issues, Veteran’s Day comes around to remind us that our politics are only a part of what make us Americans. We are good and generous people, and our veterans and active servicepeople are prime examples of what the United States stands for: setting aside our own burdens to help our neighbors, giving what we are able to help those who lost everything, and not wasting a second when given the opportunity to serve.

I am so proud of my cousin-in-law and his family for what they’re sacrificing for folks they don’t even know in New York. I know it’s been a challenge for both of them, and I’m so grateful for their reminder of what it means to be an American. Even though we’re divided on our politics, we’re completely united in the spirit of humanity.

Let this Veteran’s Day be a reminder to unite on the issues most important to our country…freedom, hope, generosity, and a profound appreciation for our brothers and sisters fighting to support these ideals. B, I’m so proud of you and your family today and every day.

To the vets,

Lia