This week I’ve been a recipient of a lot of unsolicited advice. There’s something about being one of the youngest people at work that makes people think that you’re constantly in need of advice—personal, professional, romantic, religious—people are full of thoughts about what I should be doing. If I’m being honest, I love and appreciate this advice 99% of the time. I am young and new to my job, so I want and need the perspective of those older and wiser than me. That’s how I’ve learned nearly everything that I know, and reminding myself of this prevents me from being big headed or inflating my ego.
But there are moments when the advice extends beyond professional and digs into what I consider forbidden territory. Luckily, this type of advice doesn’t necessarily bother me. I like to understand other people’s perspective, and I’m always willing to evaluate something from a different angle. But one of my biggest annoyances is when people believe that it’s their way or no way.
There are so many ways for us to live happy, successful lives. And I truly believe that what is right for someone might be entirely wrong for someone else. Where we live, how we do our jobs, when we get married, when we have babies, what we value, what we believe…these choices are all so personal. And our perspectives change. I’ve always been an incredibly job driven person. Work was number one all the time. And most of the time, it still is. But being so far away from my family, friends and M has made me realize that it’s not the most important thing. And while moving away from DC might not be the best move professionally, the joy I find from the relationships I lack here might far make up the difference. For some of us, constantly stretching ourselves to the edges of our existence isn’t the way for us to find the most happiness. Some of us aren’t such explorers and find the biggest gladness in developing relationships or meditating or cooking. For some of us a quiet and simple life is more than enough. We don’t need to be constantly going to new places or experiencing new things. The experiences that are familiar and comforting are the ones that fulfill our hearts the most.
But most importantly, no matter what we decide makes us the happiest, why do we judge? Why do people think that “their way” is the best way, the only way, to live a fulfilling life? Joy comes in lots of shapes and sizes, some more obvious than others. I think the best we can do is recognize that everyone’s happiness comes from different places, and it’s our job to celebrate the goodness in other people’s lives whether we feel it in the same way or not. I think it’s also important to realize that we give happiness to different people in different ways to, and it’s our responsibility as good friends to know how to lift each other up. Sometimes we need a shoulder to cry on or a good listener. Sometimes we need strong drinks and reality TV. Sometimes we need time alone and a good book. And the best friends we have will know what we need and bring it to us, regardless of whether it’s what she’d choose for herself.
So I’m trying to humble myself in the presence of advice. I’m trying to learn from what other people around me need and what they think I need. But most importantly, I’m going to try not to pass quick judgment on those around me.
To taking different highways,
Lia
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