I said last week that I wasn’t thinking about resolutions this year. Too much pressure. Too many requirements. Too much to manage and measure. And it usually ends in disappointment. Setting myself up for failure isn’t something I’m trying to do this year. The beginning of 2012 was hard and filled with lots of disappointment. 2013 is starting on a much more positive environment, and I don’t want anything to interfere with all the wonderful life changes that have occurred in the past few months.
That being said, I love new beginnings. Clean slates, new opportunities, big ideas. So this year, I’m focusing on “life changes” instead of resolutions. Acting in a way that improves my happiness and the happiness of others in a broad, more expressive way than forcing myself to live up to a set of resolutions that are too hard to keep.
So these are my guidelines and my hopes for 2013:
Act the way you want to feel: I’ve stolen this mantra verbatim from my current happiness guru, Gretchen Rubin. I was staunchly against the idea of “fake it till you make it,” but I’ve realized through practice in the past six weeks that it actually works. When you want to be happy, act happy. When you want to be gracious, act gracious. When you want to be thankful, act thankful. It sounds so elementary in those terms, but as someone who frequently slips into a grouchy mentality, acting the way I want to feel is a simple reminder that our outer expressions can quickly become our inner feelings if we allow ourselves to act freely.
Something old, something new: There are so many wonderful things about moving back to Pittsburgh. Family, friends, a new job, M…but I’ve realized that there’s also a really easy trap of familiarly to fall into. When I lived in DC, I was an explorer, a tourist, a sight-seer. I loved the notion that the city was full of history and things I’ve never seen before, places I’ve never been before and people I haven’t met. Pittsburgh is a different environment in that it’s a city I know intimately and in which I’m very comfortable. So I want to enjoy the old and see the new. I’m suggesting a 2013 guideline with M that every month we see/do/experience/meet/visit something new and see/do/experience/meet/visit something old. It’s an opportunity to learn more about this city and take time to enjoy the things we’ve loved the most.
Put the home team first: Oh the home team. One of my favorite constructs from Shauna’s books. The home team is the people closest to us, the ones we call in the middle of the night, the ones we call first with good and bad news, the ones we can count on to come jump our car when we’re 2 hours away, come over with a pizza after a bad day at work, give us honest feedback even when we don’t think we need it. What I’ve realized is that I sometimes take advantage of my home team because I know they’ll always be there. I give my time and attention to people just outside by home team because I feel like I need to earn their friendship. Which is exactly the wrong thing to do. I need to give the most to those who give the most to me. To be engaged and honest and “there” for the people who do the same for me. These people have to come first, and this year, I’m going to make more time for them, even if it means stepping away from relationships that aren’t as reciprocal. We can’t be everything to everyone.
Psalm 30:5: For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime. Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning. Joy comes with the morning. Every day we get the chance to start over in the morning. If we had a bad day at work, we get a new chance tomorrow. If we eat a horribly delicious dessert, we get the opportunity to get back on our diet in the morning. Every downward spiral can right itself with daybreak, if we give it the opportunity. So this year, I'm giving myself grace in the morning. I'm getting up to go to the gym, even if I haven't gone for the past ten days. I'm taking a good attitude to work, even if yesterday was tough. I'm forgiving family and friends, even if they hurt my feelings the day before. We all need grace and joy in the morning.
Home: It finally feels like home. We've moved in, put our dishes in the kitchen cabinets, we've bought a dining room table, we've expanded our DVD collection substantially. This year, I just want to be home. I want to be in the company of M and friends, celebrating relationships, eating food we've made and sitting and chatting around the dining room table. I want to stay in, learn more about the people I love, be simpler and more grounded. I want to cook, decorate and cuddle up on the couch with hot tea and a good book or an old movie. I'm so lucky that I have so many wonderful people to be home with, and I can't wait to spend time with all of them.
So that's it...my life of life guidelines for 2013. No big deadlines, low pressure, lots of happiness.
Wishing all of you much success with whatever you're calling your resolutions, and looking forward to enjoying the benefits!
To 2013,
Lia
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