This will probably be a short one. It’s after midnight on
Sunday night. I’m snuggled on the couch watching “Eat, Pray, Love” up way past
my bedtime because I know that I’ll be working from home tomorrow. I’m
not-so-eagerly anticipating Hurricane Sandy, which is supposed to drive through
Washington tomorrow afternoon. I’ve heard mixed opinions on the severity of the
storm. The forecast doesn’t look catastrophic, but the social media seems to
think it’s going to be a big one. Either way, I’ve stockpiled a case of water
and more junk food than I’ve ever had in this apartment at one time. (I also
bought 4 apples and a container of watermelon chunks in an attempt to balance
out my Whole Foods cart.) My bathtub is full of water in the event that we lose
water pressure and can’t flush the toilet. Promptly after filling the bathtub,
I realized I had no idea how to manually flush a toilet and spent the next 20
minutes watching demonstrative YouTube videos. I don’t own a flashlight, but I
have dozens of candles and I bought a new lighter, so I’m hoping that will
suffice. I also have several plastic packing bins stacked up in the corner, and
I’m wondering if a power outage might be a slight blessing in encouraging me to
start the brutal packing process I’ve been avoiding all weekend.
But after eating a burrito and peanut butter puffin cereal
(you know, in case I don’t see unpackaged food for weeks), I parked it on the
couch for an indulgent TV marathon. Two of my favorites were on tonight:
Revenge and Keeping Up with the Kardashians. The, after scaring myself by
watching the 11 p.m. weather coverage, I was flipping through the channels to
find something easier to watch when I found this Julia Roberts favorite. I know
a lot of people didn’t love the book because they found it whiny, indulgent,
self-involved. I don’t disagree, it certainly was all of those things, but
that’s just exactly why I loved it. I need stories about women pulling
themselves out of sorrow-filled situations and finding joy and peace in simple
and beautiful things. I love these stories, and I need these stories because
I’m not an overly optimistic woman, and I frequently let myself get wrapped up
in stress or misery or self-doubt without a logical plan to get myself out of
it.
So tonight I’m watching Julia and thinking about all the
beautiful work her character is doing in her life. One line in particular
touched me tonight: “ruin is the road to transformation.” How lovely and true.
Great ruin, those big, sloppy, gut-wrenching feelings that drop us to the very
bottom are just the moments that can push us upright again. Sometimes we need
to see the deepest, darkest moments to realize that we need transformation.
However, my path to transformation is not always enlightened. Usually, in fact,
it’s riddled with fights and tears and angry words that I don’t mean. It’s
pieced together by oversleeping and over-caffeinating and over-eating. Let’s
face it, I don’t have pretty transformation, which is especially annoying
because when I think about transformation, I think about waking early and going
on long walks while conversing with God. About going to yoga and eating salads
and showering daily. I wish that were me. But that’s what I’m striving for in
this “new” life that starts in just one week: a more beautiful transformation.
A little more forgiveness, and little more attention paid to myself and those
around me. And what a perfect season to work on this transformation than the
beginning of the holiday season. November is a season for thanks and peace and
reflecting on the beauty and challenges of the year before, and looking forward
with hope and great expectations for the year to come.
So I’m watching this lovely movie and hoping that Hurricane
Sandy is merciful on the East Coast this week. And hoping that I don’t eat myself
entirely out of house and home.
To beautiful transformations,
Lia
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