It looks like I’ve been a bad girl at blogging. I didn’t mean to take such a long hiatus, but I feel like I’ve been in a run—in more ways than one. I’ve been in a work rut. I’ve been in a clothes rut. I’ve been in a personality rut. I just can’t seem to get out of this gutter. This seems like it’s been a theme for me this year. I’ve been trying constantly to improve my attitude both at work and at home.
It’s been an exhausting year. Between constant trips back and forth to Pittsburgh to see my family and M, working long hours and coming home to an empty home, it’s seemed like there’s not a whole lot to look forward to. Why should I be excited to go to work knowing that I’m going to be there for 12 hours and being bombarded with issues all day? Why should I look forward to heading home knowing that I’ll be reheating pasta from three nights ago and watching prime time TV alone on my couch? I know this sounds like a super-pity-party. You’re right. I just can’t get out of this rut.
However, this past Tuesday, I had a glimmer of hope. I was standing at the desk of a coworker, and we were chatting about plans for the holidays. Nothing special. And I realized that I wasn’t miserable. It was a five minute glimmer of hope. I was at work—nothing spectacular had happened—and I was happy! For this five minutes, I allowed myself to think about Christmas music, roasting turkey, sparkly tinsel and holiday cheer. This has always been my favorite time of year. Four weeks of magic and sparkle and surprises and lots of love. I think I need it more than ever this year. I need to pull myself out of this monotonous rut. I need to let the holiday happiness infiltrate me. I need to look forward to all of the fabulous moments that are to come. And there are a lot of them:
- Spending a cozy Thanksgiving with my family and grandparents
- Black Friday shopping with the most serious shopper (Grammy, of course)
- Christmas shopping
- Decorating for Christmas
- Holiday candles
- Christmas carols
- Holiday teas at work
- Christmas parties
- Advent and spending extra time with Jesus
- Late night Christmas Eve dinner
- Reading stories with Momma
- Waking up early on cold Christmas morning
- Festivities in Philadelphia with family
- A glittery New Years Eve party in Washington
With all of this joy, how could I not be filled with the holiday spirit? How could I not let love and joy and hope and happiness into my heart this season? The pastor at my parents’ church offered an interesting perspective on hope earlier this year. He was telling a story about a congregation that had been ravaged by an awful tornado that had killed several members and torn their sanctuary to the ground. The church members stood on the empty lawn and asked “How can we believe in God when all these awful things have happened to us? How can we go on with hope in our hears when He has taken everything from us.” The pastor (whose own daughter had been taken by the tornado) reminded the congregation that the answer was really quite simple. How could we NOT? When we have absolutely nothing or when we’re at the lowest of the low, we have no choice but to look to God to lift us up. When we are at our deepest point, we have no other option but to let our souls be saved. How great Thou art.
So this holiday season I’m letting my soul be saved. I’m letting in the songs and the twinkling lights and the warm holiday Starbucks drinks into my heart. I’m lighting candles and reading the Bible and singing carols at the top of my lungs. (And yes, I’m still listening to Jessica Simpson Christmas no matter how much all of you hate her rendition of “Little Drummer Boy” with Ms. Ashlee Simpson. Don’t hate.)
When I’m tired and stressed and not ready to get out of bed in the morning, I’m going to try to remind myself to say a little prayer and remember the short four weeks I have to enjoy the season.
Tis the season,
Lia
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