Tolerance.

Today has got me thinking a lot about tolerance. And patience. I don’t consider myself to be an extremely short-tempered person. Actually, I think I can be fairly composed in situations that test my patience. I’m proud of my ability to appear unruffled despite situations or people that knock on my nerves.

But today (and for the past few weeks), I’ve been slipping. I’m not sure if it’s the stress from working long hours or the loneliness of being in a place without a support system, but recently I’ve just been losing it in situations that don’t usually solicit that response from me.

Now let me clarify. By “losing it” I don’t mean throwing a full-blown toddler tantrum or screaming or punching or crying. I just feel my blood boiling inside, and I struggle to retain that composure that I used to be so proud of. Sometimes it’s over big things like a disagreement with a close friend. But most of the time it’s over smaller things like a coworker breathing down my back or a passenger knocking me with his backpack on the metro. Where is my ability to brush it off or laugh or just take the punches? How did I lose this ability so quickly? Most importantly, how can I get it back?

Let’s start with the small stuff. A deep breath would probably solve my frustration with the oblivious train passenger. A polite retort would probably stave off my annoying coworker. Why can’t I remember to consult these options before I start sweating and huffing and cursing the ground they are walking on. (Charlotte York style, of course.) And then, the bigger stuff is even more complicated. Instead of addressing the issue head-on, the way I would prefer a friend to address me, I just get cranky and quiet and miserable. Not good for any of us.

Today I’m reminding myself to calm down. Not just in the big moments, but in the little ones too. My own version of “don’t sweat the small stuff.” Literally. I’m sure I will be presented with many moments tomorrow that will challenge my patience, and I’m hoping that I can respond with tolerance to at least a few of them.

Oh, and getting out of bed before 7:45 would be a nice thing, too.

To taking deep breaths,

Lia